Part One: In The Beginning..

As I mentioned earlier, in a continuing quest to give you, dear readers, a glimpse into my psyche (JUST a glimpse, mind you- the totality is entirely too disturbing), I am writing some autobiographical work to be interspersed with the fictional stories, reviews, musings, current events, and other things.  The Taking of M was the first such piece; what follows (and will follow over several posts) is the story of how I became involved in the D/s world, lo these many, many, many years ago.  :)  Please keep in mind that these are my opinions/experiences only, and that I don't set out to offend anyone.  ;)

A style note: in case you haven't noticed by now, I don't like to use quote marks when conveying spoken information.  Rather, anything said by a dom looks like this; anything by a sub looks like this, but it's usually fairly easy to figure out contextually who's speaking.


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I think society sets us up from a very young age to fail at intimate relationships.  We ply our girls with images of princes and princesses and castle-themed happy ever afters, and if you think that doesn't carry over subconsciously to adulthood, I'd like to point to the overwhelming tendency of brides to go completely insane over their weddings (a tendency I have never, ever understood, especially since nobody *ever* remembers details of the wedding day itself) as Exhibit A.  Never mind the insidiously evil concept of "twuu wuv."

We're no better with our boys.  We teach them to lie ("No, dear, of course those jeans don't make your ass look fat.."). We plant the seed of ultimate conflict- always be nice and respectful to girls, treat them like the fragile creatures they are, strive toward settling down that virginal girl-next-door that mom would approve of, but you're not a man unless you at least try to plow the hell out of the head cheerleader.

Women are supposed to desire Prince Charming, and sometimes that works out, but the pressure to settle for Prince Charming seriously screws up the girls that really want the guy who spends his days overseeing the dungeon.

Men are supposed to desire Mary Ann, and sometimes that works out too.  But the problem is, they're supposed to desire Ginger too (just not settle for her), and that screws up both the guys that want to settle down with Ginger AND Ginger herself.

At no time to we really teach anyone how to be truly intimate with someone else, how to maintain a relationship past the courtship and wedding.  Reality dating shows have shown us time and again that it's ridiculously easy to develop overwhelming feelings for someone (I'm not going to stoop to the level of calling it love) in an artificial situation, but once the cameras and lights and thousand-dollar dates are over you're back to relying on your dysfunctional ability to interact with that other person.

When people ask me how I could possibly want to be a sub, I ask them this:  How many people do you have in your life that you can be completely, unashamedly, totally honest with? 

Don't listen to that society-driven voice in your head that says "I'm honest with my mate (boyfriend/girlfriend/spouse/whatever), and some of my friends.."

Listen to that quieter voice.  The one that's probably telling you right now that there are still things you hold back. 

We're trained to do that.  Think of how all relationships- friendships or otherwise- start off.  You do everything you can to minimize the 'bad' parts to make yourself as appealing as possible (I genuinely think there are otherwise intelligent, grown men out there who firmly believe women don't pass gas because of this behavior)  Eventually, as you become invested in the relationship, both of you start revealing small things.  Throughout that process, both of you are making decisions about whether or not something is a deal-breaker.  Sure, it might gross you out that he pees in the shower sometimes, but perhaps he's not all that crazy about you soaking your period-stained underwear in the bathroom sink.  Good communication can move relationships past little things like that (though there are still a LOT of people who will just stew, and stew, and stew until they explode), and people label that honesty and pat themselves on the back for being open and having such a great partnership.

But that little voice that you're supposed to be listening to right now knows better.  It knows there are guards you don't let down, secrets you don't share, no matter how close you are to that person and no matter how much you want to.  You'd never say "No, dear, it's that fat ass you're trying to squeeze into those jeans that makes your ass look fat."  You'd never tell your mate to shut the hell up as they're going on for the millionth time about something inane when all you want to do is have dinner and turn your brain off in front of the tv.  You'd never tell anyone those darker things that go through your mind sometimes, especially when you're angry.

Because we're taught to be terrified of rejection, and we're taught that there are things that are Just Unacceptable, and if we harbor any of those things in the secret little parts of our being, we should do everything we can to keep others from finding out- especially people we care about.

Now, granted, there ARE things that are unacceptable, and there ARE things that are deal-breakers, but the reality is it's a much, much smaller list than people are led to believe.

Imagine you didn't have to worry about that.  Imagine you could bare every crevice of your soul to someone, and they would be supportive and accepting of you.  You could tell them you spend every Sunday smoking weed and watching midgets have sex with miniature horses on television, and they would shrug and ask if the tv was regular or high def. You could reveal your deepest fears, strangest desires, darkest thoughts of revenge, and they would listen, or help you overcome them, or help you fulfill them.  Imagine there was someone who you knew would always give you a truly honest answer, who you never had to worry was just telling you what you wanted to hear- but they weren't doing it to be an asshole, or in a way that made you feel inferior. Imagine there was someone you could ask anything of, and know that the answer would always be yes.

Imagine, in short, there was someone who saw every single one of your strengths and flaws, and loved you all the more for it.

Now let's add one more thing to that.  Imagine there was someone whose deepest desire was to see to whatever physical need/comfort you sought from them.

People don't believe me when I tell them there are few things more blissful and emotionally intimate than being bathed by someone.  There is something about it that triggers our deepest subconscious, and I can truthfully say that of all the physical pleasures I have encountered, it is my favorite.  I would sacrifice anything to have that experience, yet it is something I've shared with less than a handful of people.. because when it comes down to it, regardless of what most people say, they don't always mean it when they say they'll do anything for you.

*That* is why I would choose to be a sub (or, I would imagine, why someone would choose to be a dom).  The chance to not only have that intimacy, but to offer it to someone else.  The chance to truly care for someone physically and emotionally, and to have that person reciprocate.  The chance to have certainty in a world that thrives on subterfuge, manipulation, innuendo, and outright dishonesty; to have one thing that didn't have a laundry list of questions attached to it.

Though I admit that towing the party line *does* result in a lot less calls to the supervisor's office.  :)