Now, for some actual content..

One of my tasks is to write about how I feel when.. mmm.. (note to self: must remember to ask how he'd like to be addressed on here..) when I've been given an assignment. I'm going to take that a bit further at the moment, and write about my overall emotional state.


I'm utterly terrified.

Of course I'm aroused beyond belief, if the damp spot I've been creating on my chair is any indication. I can still hear his voice in my head..

Good girl..

::shudder:: The arousal goes without saying. Who *wouldn't* be attracted by such a body.. the tight muscles, the long fingers, the mouth-watering cock? I'd have to be dead not to have my eye caught by such as he.

I'm amused that I would so willingly give myself over to someone like this gentleman.. there's only one other that I can honestly admit could have held such sway, as it's rare that I am drawn to anyone younger than I. Bit of a bias there on my part, I admit.

It's ever so lovely to be wrong.

I'm excited, anticipating the boundaries that will be challenged, the tasks I'll be given. Happy to be back in this role, this routine that is so familiar and comfortable. *Please* tell me how to give you pleasure. *Please* take control. *Please.*

*Please* use me..

I'm a good slave. I was trained by one of the best doms, during some of my most formative years. I have no doubt as to my ability to please, to follow directions, to submit.

But still, utterly terrified.

I have a great deal to lose, should details of the situation get out. It's difficult not to wonder if that may be part of the motivation behind seeking such a relationship out.. a one-stroke annihilation of what has become a soul-sucking parody of a life.

Not just that. Doubts lurking at the back of my mind, left over from events of years ago. Will he find me attractive. Distance makes that at once easier and more difficult.. I don't *really* have to worry about whether or not he's attracted to me, as this is just a virtual sharing of need. But at the same time, there's something lost when all that's at the base of the relationship is photos and web chats. Without the RL interaction, the additional beauty of one's personality isn't brought to the table.. which, were I to be completely honest, knocks me down a peg or so on the attractiveness scale.

Stupid internal therapist. Never shuts up. But if I didn't express these doubts, I would not have fulfilled my obligation. Submission demands honesty and trust, which is one of the few things I will not compromise on.

And now, on to other, far less pleasurable, obligations..